Tag Archives: single moms
Tick tock. Tick tock. Goes the clock.
They say timing is everything. From seizing opportunities, winning the lottery, and falling in love to business success, landing your ideal job, and becoming a parent. Whatever it is… there seems to be such a thing as timing.
They also say time management is critical to being successful.
I’ve always thought of myself as a good time manager. In the sense of delegating my time to “get things done” (not being on time—I still struggle with that). Yet, and still since becoming a mother, timing and my time management skills have been tested and I’m determined to find ways to make life a little easier. For my daughter’s sake. For my sake.
As a leadership development professional, I’ve met with many CEOs and discussed the importance of making time to think, assess and develop a strategy for their organizations. Over and over again I’ve witnessed that successful organizations typically have leaders who spend significant periods of diligent, focused time “thinking.” This is essential so an organization stays aligned with its mission, doesn’t lose focus or spend time putting out fires rather than seizing opportunities, fulfilling strategic aspirations, understanding why they do things the way they do and knowing what they do great.
As a single mother of a 4 year old, settling into a new job, new city, and new home, I admit that I haven’t found my rhythm yet. I often feel overwhelmed, scared and tired. Overwhelmed with all of the things I know Zoe needs to know to survive in this world; scared that I won’t be able to raise her to be the awesome person she is and show her the world, while simultaneously trying to pursue my creative/entrepreneurial projects, career, relationships and life goals. Tired, from the constant juggling, constant hustling.
Laundry. Cleaning. Grocery Shopping. Hair. Daycare. Gym. Church. “Zoe and me” time. “me” time. Family time. Bills. Work. Show. Writing. Sleep. More bills. The list goes on and on.
I’ve come to realize that I can’t just rely on my time management skills to raise my daughter and “hope” we maximize life’s experiences. Why? Because when you become a parent, you become a leader.
While management and leadership share commonalities, their functions differ.
Managing is about efficiency. Leading is about effectiveness. Managing is about how. Leading is about what and why.
Looking at parenthood through a leadership paradigm and applying leadership principles to parenthood suddenly makes sense to me. I don’t want my parenting experience to be status quo. Meaning, I don’t want to just “go through the motions,” “get by,” “hope,” “fly by the seat of my pants” and “pray it all works out.” I want more! I want to be the best mom I can be! I want to make the most out of time!
You see, just like nature, music, jumping double-dutch, or great sex, there is a rhythm to timing; and getting your timing right is important!
Tick tock. Tick tock. Goes the clock.
As Zoe transitioned from a newborn to an infant, I simply adapted and enjoyed her growth and development. But now, as she transitions from a toddler to a preschooler, and becomes more aware of the world and her place in it, I am finding myself recalibrating (often) and finding it critical to be more intentional, more strategic with my time.
So, I’ve decided that I’m going to become a successful CEO of parenthood!
Over the next several weeks, I’m going to focus on the leadership concept of “thinking.” I am going to block time out of my schedule to think. Think about what kind of parent I want to be, think about my strategy of how to be the best parent I can be, how I want to spend my time with my daughter, how and what I want to teach her, how I want to develop her morale compass, confidence, talents and abilities….the list goes on and on. Doing this, I believe, will make my parenting experience better, more fulfilling and more focused. And ultimately, I think this will help me find my rhythm as a parent, and make me feel comfortable with that timing as Zoe grows.
Remember, successful organizations usually have leaders who spend significant periods of diligent, focused time thinking…so I’m going to do just that–take time to think, assess and strategize about what I want and need from my parenthood experience…which is the first step towards helping me become a leader who recognizes good timing and makes the most of the circumstances time presents me as a parent.
Tick tock. Tick tock. Goes the clock.
Parents, have you taken time out to think?
Until next time, Beth Gonzales
“You should lose some weight”, “Girl, you need to gain some weight”, “Maybe heels will make you more attractive”, “Wow, you in heels, look like a towering giant”. Body shaming, it comes from direct criticism of your body or it can come as “friendly suggestions”. Any way it is said, it hurts and, as women, we tend to internalize our hurt and begin being ashamed of the way we look. Even worse, we perpetuate the cycle by continuing the criticism of others. Our society should focus on body-respecting.
No woman seems free of body shaming in today’s society. With social media’s outreach growing and Hollywood’s stardom becoming the main attraction, we see how even our greatest stars can suffer from body shame and body-critics. Instagram is now beginning to see a roll of “nude” celebrity women standing up for their own beautiful bodies. Kim Kardashian is putting out rumors of a surrogacy with her nude selfie, Naya Rivera also did a photo shoot where she poses nude with a fur stole holding her baby bump and Christina Aguilera does an Instagram post of her getting “personal” with her followers. Of course, there are supporters and then there are the naysayers. Yet these women are showing that their bodies, no matter the judgement of others, are beautiful!
Of course beautiful women are being body-shamed regardless of their shape, according to the media, the only perfect body type is no body-type. As seen when Serena Williams is called out for being too muscular in an article from Ben Rothenberg, who writes for The New York Times, “has large biceps and a mold-breaking muscular frame”. Further insult happens when the coach of Agnieszka Radwanska is quoted to say,
“It’s our decision to keep her as the smallest player in the top 10,” said Tomasz Wiktorowski, the coach of Agnieszka Radwanska, who is listed at 5 feet 8 and 123 pounds. “Because, first of all she’s a woman, and she wants to be a woman.”
It is this mindset that a woman is only a woman if she is petite and feminine in every aspect of her life which makes being a woman difficult. In truth a woman can look or be any way that she chooses, just as a man can. Being athletic is not a crime, nor is being muscular. Yet it is not only the “muscular” women who are under attack. Claire Danes recently came out saying “I feel like my body is monitored” in an interview with People magazine. She goes on to say,
“I remember a couple of Emmys ago, Lena Dunham and I were on the carpet together. We were singled out and criticized for having different body types – I was too skinny and she was too big…She is a dear friend of mine, and it made me angry because this is just how we are.”
And our bodies are exactly that, just how they are. There is nothing wrong with them. There is nothing shameful about being a woman. In reality, we all look different and have different traits. These are not flaws or imperfections but simply differences in looks. Our Words, Wine and Women team all look different, have different personalities, styles and looks, but each one is beautiful, just like you, the reader are.
It is a hope of mine that one day women AND men everywhere no longer have to feel the stress and shame of not having that “photoshop perfect” body. Of being proud of the body they have and realizing they ARE beautiful as is. The way this hope becomes a reality is by each of us appreciating our own bodies and respecting those who have a different body. Body shaming should become body respecting and it starts with us!