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When You Become a Parent, You Become a Leader

Tick tock. Tick tock. Goes the clock.

They say timing is everything. From seizing opportunities, winning the lottery, and falling in love to business success, landing your ideal job, and becoming a parent. Whatever it is… there seems to be such a thing as timing.

They also say time management is critical to being successful.

I’ve always thought of myself as a good time manager. In the sense of delegating my time to “get things done” (not being on time—I still struggle with that). Yet, and still since becoming a mother, timing and my time management skills have been tested and I’m determined to find ways to make life a little easier. For my daughter’s sake. For my sake.

As a leadership development professional, I’ve met with many CEOs and discussed the importance of making time to think, assess and develop a strategy for their organizations. Over and over again I’ve witnessed that successful organizations typically have leaders who spend significant periods of diligent, focused time “thinking.” This is essential so an organization stays aligned with its mission, doesn’t lose focus or spend time putting out fires rather than seizing opportunities, fulfilling strategic aspirations, understanding why they do things the way they do and knowing what they do great.

As a single mother of a 4 year old, settling into a new job, new city, and new home, I admit that I haven’t found my rhythm yet. I often feel overwhelmed, scared and tired. Overwhelmed with all of the things I know Zoe needs to know to survive in this world; scared that I won’t be able to raise her to be the awesome person she is and show her the world, while simultaneously trying to pursue my creative/entrepreneurial projects, career, relationships and life goals. Tired, from the constant juggling, constant hustling.

Laundry. Cleaning. Grocery Shopping. Hair. Daycare. Gym. Church. “Zoe and me” time. “me” time. Family time. Bills. Work. Show. Writing. Sleep. More bills. The list goes on and on.

I’ve come to realize that I can’t just rely on my time management skills to raise my daughter and “hope” we maximize life’s experiences. Why? Because when you become a parent, you become a leader.

While management and leadership share commonalities, their functions differ.

Managing is about efficiency. Leading is about effectiveness. Managing is about how. Leading is about what and why.

Looking at parenthood through a leadership paradigm and applying leadership principles to parenthood suddenly makes sense to me. I don’t want my parenting experience to be status quo. Meaning, I don’t want to just “go through the motions,” “get by,” “hope,” “fly by the seat of my pants” and “pray it all works out.” I want more! I want to be the best mom I can be! I want to make the most out of time!

You see, just like nature, music, jumping double-dutch, or great sex, there is a rhythm to timing; and getting your timing right is important!

Tick tock. Tick tock. Goes the clock.

As Zoe transitioned from a newborn to an infant, I simply adapted and enjoyed her growth and development. But now, as she transitions from a toddler to a preschooler, and becomes more aware of the world and her place in it, I am finding myself recalibrating (often) and finding it critical to be more intentional, more strategic with my time.

So, I’ve decided that I’m going to become a successful CEO of parenthood!
Beth Gonzales-Host Words, Wine and Women
Over the next several weeks, I’m going to focus on the leadership concept of “thinking.” I am going to block time out of my schedule to think. Think about what kind of parent I want to be, think about my strategy of how to be the best parent I can be, how I want to spend my time with my daughter, how and what I want to teach her, how I want to develop her morale compass, confidence, talents and abilities….the list goes on and on. Doing this, I believe, will make my parenting experience better, more fulfilling and more focused. And ultimately, I think this will help me find my rhythm as a parent, and make me feel comfortable with that timing as Zoe grows.

Remember, successful organizations usually have leaders who spend significant periods of diligent, focused time thinking…so I’m going to do just that–take time to think, assess and strategize about what I want and need from my parenthood experience…which is the first step towards helping me become a leader who recognizes good timing and makes the most of the circumstances time presents me as a parent.

Tick tock. Tick tock. Goes the clock.

Parents, have you taken time out to think?
#bealeader


Until next time, Beth Gonzales

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Rachel Dolezal (from the desk of Jacque Borowski)

As many of know (since this is the topic of the day) Rachel Dolezal recently came out as, what one could call, “transracial”.

The comparison to “transracial” has been made to “transgender”. Caitlyn Jenner recently came out as transgender. For the most part, the world applauded her for her bravery. This article at “The Wrap” contemplates the struggle I’m having within myself, “If I accepted Caitlyn Jenner as a woman, why can’t I accept Rachel Dolezal as African American?” My first thought was “Dolezal lied” and it makes me angry that she lied… to so many people. But didn’t Caitlyn Jenner (when she was Bruce Jenner) lie to protect herself from those who wouldn’t understand? And I thought about it more and I realized that gender is a 50/50 chance we all have at birth. Race is not. Gender is also something that can be easily changed through surgery, Race is not. There are performative aspects to both gender and race (many of them based on stereotypes of what we think gender and race should be or look like) but, race is part of a person’s heritage and a part of a person’s identity that is attached to family history AND attached to world history. Being transgendered is not the same thing as being transracial. Gender and race are two separate topics as gender is part of sexual identity.

What if Dolezal had been adopted into an African American family and had been raised by African American parents? Might I feel differently about her lie then? Ellie Freeman, who identifies as “transracial” has an excellent article on this. She explains, “Simply put, a transracial person is someone raised in a culture or race different from their own.” The reason that Dolezal’s lie is so frustrating and baffling is that, as far as we can tell, she seems to come from a privileged background and is associating herself with a race that has been historically mistreated. Why did she do it? When I’ve discussed this topic with friends, most everyone agrees that she could have been a successful civil rights leader without identifying as African American. I understand that Dolezal formed a connection with an African American man she thought of as “dad” and that her sons are African American. I can’t blame Rachel for wanting to find her place in the world, wanting to find people that she connects with. As Ellie Freeman explains, “It is normal, and quite healthy, to be interested in another culture than your own. But if the people of that culture cannot pick and choose their own race – whether it’s biologically or through shared history – then neither can you. All you can do is be a good ally.” In fact, it’s arguable that she’s undone any of the good work she did as a civil rights leader by not being honest.

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