Monthly Archives: August 2015
Women and men seem to handle everything differently. From how to manage money to how to handle difficult events in life. Breakups are no different. In the realm of a broken heart, men and women handle the emotional and physical pain differently. But do they really?
In a study done by Craig Morris and colleagues from the Binghamton University, worked with 5,705 participants from 96 countries, Morris and colleagues asked participants to rate the emotional and physical pain of a breakup on a scale that represents no pain at one to 10 which denotes unbearable pain.
In the emotional pain, women averaged at 6.84 on the scale, whereas men averaged 6.58. This is only an average of the participants but shows that men do not associate emotional pain the way that women do, however the difference is only slight.
It is in physical pain that there is a larger difference, women averaged at 4.21 while men averaged at 3.75. Women, according to this study, suffer more physical pain during a breakup then men do. But that is where we begin to see the drastic differences.
Yet, even with women rating higher on the pain scales, there is no need for a pity party.
“Breakups seem to ‘hit’ women harder at first, but they do recover, often in better ‘relationship shape’ than before,” says Craig Morris, a professor of anthropology at Binghamton University in New York and lead author on the study. “Men react differently initially, but also seem to never truly ‘recover’. They just sort of move on.”
Women said they suffered more depression, fear and anxiety than the men who suffered numbness, loss of focus and anger. Yet women, although going to suffer more of a painful reaction, were the ones to initiate the breakup.
Why do women initiate a breakup when they suffer more than their male counterpart? It seems, through the study that women truly thought about their relationships and made decisions to better their lives. This isn’t to say that men do not feel or think about their relationships, but that they do not feel the biological pressure that women do.
In breakups, women appear to deal with the pain they feel more head on, than the men who spread out the pain over time and “never truly recover”. Breakups have always been painful, they make us review our lives, mistakes, decisions and deal with the outcome of those. So while women do feel more emotional and physical pain on average, they also persevere better after the breakup. This may be because women rely on their social networks more to help them deal with emotional upheavals while men will become recluse to internally bear their burdens. In truth, pain is felt differently by all and breakups can be hard on both parties no matter their gender.
How do you deal with your breakup? Do you think that women suffer, initially, more than men?
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“You should lose some weight”, “Girl, you need to gain some weight”, “Maybe heels will make you more attractive”, “Wow, you in heels, look like a towering giant”. Body shaming, it comes from direct criticism of your body or it can come as “friendly suggestions”. Any way it is said, it hurts and, as women, we tend to internalize our hurt and begin being ashamed of the way we look. Even worse, we perpetuate the cycle by continuing the criticism of others. Our society should focus on body-respecting.
No woman seems free of body shaming in today’s society. With social media’s outreach growing and Hollywood’s stardom becoming the main attraction, we see how even our greatest stars can suffer from body shame and body-critics. Instagram is now beginning to see a roll of “nude” celebrity women standing up for their own beautiful bodies. Kim Kardashian is putting out rumors of a surrogacy with her nude selfie, Naya Rivera also did a photo shoot where she poses nude with a fur stole holding her baby bump and Christina Aguilera does an Instagram post of her getting “personal” with her followers. Of course, there are supporters and then there are the naysayers. Yet these women are showing that their bodies, no matter the judgement of others, are beautiful!
Of course beautiful women are being body-shamed regardless of their shape, according to the media, the only perfect body type is no body-type. As seen when Serena Williams is called out for being too muscular in an article from Ben Rothenberg, who writes for The New York Times, “has large biceps and a mold-breaking muscular frame”. Further insult happens when the coach of Agnieszka Radwanska is quoted to say,
“It’s our decision to keep her as the smallest player in the top 10,” said Tomasz Wiktorowski, the coach of Agnieszka Radwanska, who is listed at 5 feet 8 and 123 pounds. “Because, first of all she’s a woman, and she wants to be a woman.”
It is this mindset that a woman is only a woman if she is petite and feminine in every aspect of her life which makes being a woman difficult. In truth a woman can look or be any way that she chooses, just as a man can. Being athletic is not a crime, nor is being muscular. Yet it is not only the “muscular” women who are under attack. Claire Danes recently came out saying “I feel like my body is monitored” in an interview with People magazine. She goes on to say,
“I remember a couple of Emmys ago, Lena Dunham and I were on the carpet together. We were singled out and criticized for having different body types – I was too skinny and she was too big…She is a dear friend of mine, and it made me angry because this is just how we are.”
And our bodies are exactly that, just how they are. There is nothing wrong with them. There is nothing shameful about being a woman. In reality, we all look different and have different traits. These are not flaws or imperfections but simply differences in looks. Our Words, Wine and Women team all look different, have different personalities, styles and looks, but each one is beautiful, just like you, the reader are.
It is a hope of mine that one day women AND men everywhere no longer have to feel the stress and shame of not having that “photoshop perfect” body. Of being proud of the body they have and realizing they ARE beautiful as is. The way this hope becomes a reality is by each of us appreciating our own bodies and respecting those who have a different body. Body shaming should become body respecting and it starts with us!